You are not alone! We offer help for those who have been through a romantic relationship with a narcissist, sociopath (popular terms), or psychopath (clinical term) which are really disorders of conscience and externalizing responsibility. They always include forms of abuse (e.g. verbal, physical, coercive control, deceit, emotional manipulation, financial, sexual, spiritual) which have traumatizing effects. You probably feel isolated in your experience. Even well-meaning friends, family, and often therapists don’t completely get it and why you can’t just get over it. We can help you gain clarity to stop blaming yourself, work toward healing the damage, and regaining your lost self. We can help educate your therapist to better help you.
It is a relationship in which one of the partners has a personality structure with these core traits:
The outward personality can take on many variations and outward presentations. One may be impulsive, irresponsible, and short-tempered, another may be calm, courteous, and very responsible. But at their core are these basic internal traits that drive their behaviors, and they represent to their intimate partner one certainty: breakdown.
If you are in a relationship with a destructive partner, you begin to break down in a number of ways. You slowly over time lose yourself, as you learn that aspects of you or your emotional needs are dismissed, not tolerated, or are met with a hostile response. You may experience physical, verbal, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual abuse, deceit, manipulation. You are finding that that seemingly perfect person who presented themselves to you at the beginning of the relationship has become a cold, hostile, devaluing, and/or deceitful person. You feel more stress and anxiety over time in the relationship, which manifests in more physical symptoms and illness, psychological distress, confusion, depression, anxiety, panic, insomnia, loss of energy, loss of focus. You are likely to feel increasingly debilitated, and wonder what happened to the strong, confident person you started out as in this relationship. Over time people often describe this as feeling as if they are “falling apart”, or “dying.”
You may at some point be shocked and traumatized to find that the person you thought loved you clearly does not, perhaps never had the capacity to. You may even find the person has been leading a double life that’s been hidden from you. The realization is shattering. You will likely be confused, and wonder what to believe and what to do. You will wonder how you missed the signs and why this happened to you. And, if you have children together, you may feel all the more conflicted.
You will need support to find the self you lost, to gain clarity and gather strength, to figure how to proceed in a way to stop the destructive cycle. You will need support (and possibly therapy) to heal Post Traumatic Stress. You will need to hear stories of others who have been or are going through the same experiences, to affirm that you are not crazy and you are not alone. Only those who have lived your unique situation do understand. And that is critical to healing.
We are committed to: Confidentiality, Anonymity, Mutual Respect, Constructive Positive Interaction
Free Conference Call Support Group – For those who do not have access to a live group, we offer a twice-monthly call group, which is confidential, anonymous, and free. Click here online support group to find the date of the next scheduled online group. Use the contact form to let us know you want to join and we will send you a link.
No support groups in your area? Start your own! (and use our contact form to let us know) We can send a bound guidebook for a fee, or the send the doc electronically for free. However you decide to go about it, we are available for guidance at any step along the way. See our Resources page for additional information.
Help your therapist! In response to the hundred’s of people who have complained about their therapist not understanding these relationships, you can now download a questionnaire that clarifies (for your therapist and you) traits and behaviors of various abuse categories, their negative impacts, and common responses to it. It includes explanatory information for the therapist. See our Resources page for additional information.
Continuing Education for Therapists – We participate in providing education for professionals (CEU’s included) through Lovefraud Continuing Education Webinars. Lovefraud.com also offers informative courses for lay people. See our Resources page for additional information.
Trauma Therapy – Because of the nature of emotionally or otherwise abusive relationships partners are almost always left with the effects of post traumatic stress (PTSD), which require trauma therapies to help heal. Contact one of these trauma professionals who may work in person or remotely. Use contact form to request one.
Mind Warrior App – In the moment tool for mindful connection to emotional reactions, flashbacks, or triggers that make you break No Contact. Resources for emotional regulation, conditioning empowered responses, reconnecting with self, planning positive goals, keeping focused. Email & archive features. Use alone or with therapy. See our Resources page for additional information.
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