Help for Partners in Destructive Relationships

The purpose of Destructive Relationships Help is to help those suffering the effects of being in a relationship with a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath. We do this by offering education so they may gain clarity about the unique type of relationship they are in, and by offering the support they need to heal from it. The group is not-for-profit. The group is confidential and anonymous.

What is a “destructive relationship?

It is a relationship in which one of the partners is being psychologically, physically, financially, sexually, or otherwise compromised or victimized to meet the needs/desires of the other partner. It is a relationship with a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath, all of whom have qualities that make the relationship damaging, i.e. destructive, to their partners. Those qualities are:

• ✓  They lack empathy, which allows them to serve their own needs no matter how this affects you. It means they cannot perceive or meet your needs, if they are different than theirs. It means they are not capable of true emotional connection – in fact they would be threatened by it.
• ✓  They are motivated by personal reward, not consequences. They will take risks that can have significant consequences for themselves or others.
• ✓  They lack conscience, and, therefore, are incapable of remorse.
• ✓  They lack personal insight. They can’t look inside and take responsibility. Their priority is to see themselves as blameless and/or wonderful, even if it means they have to blame, manipulate, or hurt you to maintain that self-image. Without insight, a person cannot change.

If you are in a relationship with a destructive partner, you will begin to break down in a number of ways. You will slowly over time lose yourself, as you learn that aspects of you or your emotional needs are dismissed, not tolerated, or are met with an angry response. You may experience physical, verbal, or sexual abuse. You may experience a financial drain on your resources. At the very least, you will find out that that seemingly perfect person who presented themselves to you at the beginning of the relationship was a front, or false self, and has turned into a hostile, conniving, and/or deceitful person. You will feel more stress and anxiety over time in the relationship, which will manifest in more physical symptoms and illness, psychological distress, confusion, depression, anxiety, panic, insomnia, loss of energy, loss of focus. You are likely to feel increasingly debilitated, and wonder what happened to the strong, confident person you started out as in this relationship. At the extreme, people have described this as feeling as if they are “falling apart”, or “dying.”

You may at some point be shocked and traumatized to find that the person you thought loved you clearly does not and never has. You may find the person has been leading a double life – perhaps having other women or men, lying about their occupation, income, past, sexual orientation, even their identity. When your world shatters, you will experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which is further debilitating. You will likely be confused, and wonder what to believe and what to do. And, if you have children together, your path is even harder to navigate.

If you are a partner of a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath, you will need support to find the self you lost, to gain clarity and gather strength to figure out your next move, and to find your life again. You will need support (and possibly therapy) to heal Post Traumatic Stress. You will need to hear stories of others who have been or are going through the same experiences, to affirm that you are not crazy and you are not alone. Your friends and family, even your therapist, may not understand what you’ve been going through. But, those who have lived your unique situation do understand.

Our mission is to provide a haven of safety, strength, healing and hope.

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