HELP FOR PARTNERS IN DESTRUCTIVE RELATIONSHIPS

A HAVEN OF SAFETY, STRENGTH, HEALING AND HOPE

Regular Live Chat Support Groups

About Us

Help for Partners in Destructive Romantic Relationships

You are not alone!  We offer help for those who have been through a romantic relationship with a narcissist, sociopath (popular terms), or psychopath (clinical term) which are really disorders of conscience and externalizing responsibility. They always include forms of abuse (e.g. verbal, physical, coercive control,  deceit, emotional manipulation, financial, sexual, spiritual) which have traumatizing effects.  You probably feel isolated in your experience.  Even well-meaning friends, family, and often therapists don’t completely get it and why you can’t just get over it.  We can help you gain clarity to stop blaming yourself, work toward healing the damage, and regaining your lost self.  We can help educate your therapist to better help you.

What is a “destructive relationship?

It is a relationship in which one of the partners has a personality structure with these core traits:

  • ✓  They lack empathy, which allows them to serve their own needs no matter how this affects you. It means they cannot perceive or meet your needs, if they are different than theirs. It means they are not capable of true emotional connection – in fact they would be threatened by it.
  • ✓  They lack conscience, and therefore, insight and remorse.  Lack of conscience is based on lack of empathy – if someone isn’t connected to their own emotion, they can’t connect to others’ emotions or the hurt they may be causing.  There is no ability to look at themselves and take responsibility, or, therefore, feel remorse for the hurt and be motivated to change their behavior.  Lack of conscience allows for the deception that is usually present in these relationships.
  • ✓  They are reward-driven.  They are not motivated by conscience or consequences but by reward.  And, they are usually confident and arrogant enough to take whatever risks to get to it.
  • ✓  They are narcissistic.  Whether you call them a narcissist, sociopath, psychopath, antisocial, etc. they all have a narcissistic self-perceptionat least internally even if they aren’t overt about it.  They must maintain this self-perception of being blameless and flawless at all costs, which their partner is expected to go along with.  Of course this isn’t how mature relationships work, and that’s why the abuse starts, whether by subtle manipulation, deceit, or outright hostility.

The outward personality can take on many variations and outward presentations.  One may be impulsive, irresponsible, and short-tempered, another may be calm, courteous, and very responsible.  But at their core are these basic internal traits that drive their behaviors, and they represent to their intimate partner one certainty: breakdown.

If you are in a relationship with a destructive partner, you begin to break down in a number of ways. You  slowly over time lose yourself, as you learn that aspects of you or your emotional needs are dismissed, not tolerated, or are met with a hostile response. You may experience physical, verbal, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual abuse, deceit, manipulation.  You are finding that that seemingly perfect person who presented themselves to you at the beginning of the relationship has become a cold, hostile, devaluing, and/or deceitful person. You feel more stress and anxiety over time in the relationship, which manifests in more physical symptoms and illness, psychological distress, confusion, depression, anxiety, panic, insomnia, loss of energy, loss of focus. You are likely to feel increasingly debilitated, and wonder what happened to the strong, confident person you started out as in this relationship.  Over time people often describe this as feeling as if they are “falling apart”, or “dying.”

You may at some point be shocked and traumatized to find that the person you thought loved you clearly does not, perhaps never had the capacity to. You may even find the person has been leading a double life that’s been hidden from you.  The realization is shattering.  You will likely be confused, and wonder what to believe and what to do.  You will wonder how you missed the signs and why this happened to you.  And, if you have children together, you may feel all the more conflicted.

You will need support to find the self you lost, to gain clarity and gather strength, to figure how to proceed in a way to stop the destructive cycle. You will need support (and possibly therapy) to heal Post Traumatic Stress. You will need to hear stories of others who have been or are going through the same experiences, to affirm that you are not crazy and you are not alone. Only those who have lived your unique situation do understand. And that is critical to healing.

Not in New Jersey?

No problem, online support options are available.

Online Support

Groups and Services

Our mission is to provide a haven of safety, strength, healing and hope.

We are committed to:  Confidentiality, Anonymity, Mutual Respect, Constructive Positive Interaction

Groups – In New Jersey, we offer weekly live professional and peer facilitated support groups. Contact us for information on these and other locations around the country and around the globe. Most groups are free or donation only.

Free Conference Call Support Group – For those who do not have access to a live group, we offer a twice-monthly call group, which is confidential, anonymous, and free. Click here online support group to find the date of the next scheduled online group.  Use the contact form to let us know you want to join and we will send you a link.

No support groups in your area?  Start your own!  (and use our contact form to let us know)  We can send a bound guidebook for a fee, or the send the doc electronically for free.  However you decide to go about it, we are available for guidance at any step along the way. See our Resources page for additional information.

Help your therapist!  In response to the hundred’s of people who have complained about their therapist not understanding these relationships, you can now download a questionnaire that clarifies (for your therapist and you) traits and behaviors of various abuse categories, their negative impacts, and common responses to it.  It includes explanatory information for the therapist. See our Resources page for additional information.

Continuing Education for Therapists – We participate in providing education for professionals (CEU’s included) through Lovefraud Continuing Education Webinars.  Lovefraud.com also offers informative courses for lay people. See our Resources page for additional information.

Individual Therapy Sessions – Individual professional therapy sessions or consultations in person or by Skype or phone are available and may be covered by your insurance.  Find clarity, direction, and healing by a professional with expertise in these types of relationships. Use contact form to request one.

Mind Warrior App In the moment tool for mindful connection to emotional reactions, flashbacks, or triggers that make you break No Contact.  Resources for emotional regulation, conditioning empowered responses, reconnecting with self, planning positive goals, keeping focused. Email & archive features. Use alone or with therapy. See our Resources page for additional information.

 

START YOUR OWN GROUP!

If you feel called to start a group in your area, we offer a guidebook and help to get it up and running.

Contact Us

Contact Us

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Mind Warrior

Our Mind Warrior app can help you reconnect to yourself, stay focused, and deal with relationship and PTSD triggers. Available from the App Store and Google Play.